Wes is my eldest son. In the early hours of 26 January 2014, he died in a road accident. Based on witness and police accounts, Wes had lost conciousness instantly. He couldn't be revived and passed away at the scene.
In a second, life became meaningless. Overwhelming grief, horror and pain kept in check only by things we had to do. There were people we had to tell; those for whom a phone call would just be too unbearable. Wes's brother, his mother and I did the best we could before collapsing in a heap at a good friends' house.
As the morning wore on, there were others to tell. Each phone call made it worse. Why, I kept asking myself, why, why? Wes was 2 weeks away from his 23rd birthday. He was a happy, optimistic, positive, creative, healthy young man with a ready smile. He had everything to live for.
Then it dawned on me slowly. It's not why, it's what. The hundreds of messages, phone calls and visits made by people, telling us what Wes meant to them. Clearly, he left a positive impression on everyone's life. Wes did everything he had planned to do; what he wanted to achieve, he had in his efficient, pleasing way. He was a talented musician, playing in a couple of bands, an artist, writer and cricketer. Wes had a big heart. He always put others first.
Earlier in January, on a whim, I arranged to meet Wes for dinner at the pub where he worked as assistant manager. We had a lovely time, full of laughter and conversation. I texted him to say how much I enjoyed our time together. He sent this reply:
"It was great to see you too. Glad it was quiet enough to have a chat! Sorry I've taken awhile to get back to you...good luck with your eye appointment x"
I replied:
"Likewise, my lofty friend. Hope you got the bike home. Have been spreading the word. Put some pics of your bro at the gig on FB xx"
God bless you, my wonderful son. I love you more than words can describe. Take care until we meet again. Farewell, my lofty friend.
11 comments:
That was beautifully written and brought a tear to my eye, i knew wes from school and he was one of the nicest, kindest, caring, happy people i have ever met! Sleep tight old friend and my thoughts are with you and your family.
I didn't know Wes very well but I do know he was a beautiful person. I feel only his family and close friends can know just how much of a loss his passing is, but I feel I can safely say this world would be a better place if more people were like Wes. He was one of those people who could restore your faith in humanity, influence you to reassess yourself: someone you wish you could be more like.
Thank you for sharing with us all the last moments that you had with him. I cannot begin to understand what you're going through. Although I have not and will most likely never meet you, I have met a big part of you; by now I'm sure you know what goodness that part of you brought into many a stranger's life. For that we all thank you, and our hearts go out to you.
Beautiful and meaningful. He had all of your qualities which made him a wonderful and well loved person just like u. Don't let life be meaningless... Wes left behind his brother your other son.. for you. You got to live for him. For you. That's what Wes would tell you if he could. May God help you heal and keep Wes safe in His arms.
From Viscount Vixley aka Vix Drew. My heart breaks for you, as a parent I empathise but I cannot imagine your distress. I'm sure that you and yours know such a wonderful boy will always be a credit to you. Nothing can take away what is clearly a wonderful relationship between you. May you find comfort in this terrible time Anil. There is nothing more I can say. Bless you.
From JC/ Chappers/ Dylanwing - That must have been so hard to write, but beautifully put. I really feel for you and your family at this very difficult time
Anil, this is Seán from BUCS. Please accept my personal condolences on the loss of your son. As a father I cannot imagine the pain you or your wife are going through. I can only wish that your pain is lessened by the knowledge that clearly your son lived the life that was given to him well and touched others in the process.
Anil, Please forgive this clumsy means of trying to communicating my sincere sorrow for the loss of your lovely lad. We have some great memories of him giving Nathan piggy backs across the green, his beaming smile and how much he so clearly loved his dad and little brother. Our hearts go out to you...David and Sue
I was so sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your precious son Wes. Your sadness must be overwhelming & my heart goes out to you and your family. Wes will be carried in the hearts of all he touched, most especially yourselves, carry him gently & with pride.
Angela BUCS - ITP
Anil, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I hope you can take comfort from the words of this poem.
An Angel on loan,
Has now earned his wings,
Now his voice rises high,
With God's chorus he sings.
His life was a wonder,
Beautiful and Blessed,
Your hearts are now heavy,
Burdened by this test.
Remember the laughter,
The good times not bad.
Take time to cherish,
The time that you had.
Life is always on loan,
The end lingering near,
But with God's loving hand,
There is nothing to fear.
Celebrate his life,
He is always close by,
Tell him "I love you",
To hear an Angel sigh.
Anil,
Words cannot be used to convey the emotion that welled up in my heart on reading this, I was completely oblivious of what happened until I got your email. On reading the above, it brought a tear to my eye and although I never met Wes I'm deeply touched by the relationship you 2 had at that age.
All in would have said, you have said... till we meet later.
I read your comment on the Guardian site today and clicked on the link which eventually led here. I don't know you but I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and how much your posts moved me. I send good thoughts and feelings to you and your family.
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